Is what it is

It seems that I don’t want to be happy, I know

But trust me, I’m trying

I’m fighting to live

There’s just so much that’s heavy in my mind, weighing down my heart

There are so many directions I’m being pulled

Really, I want nothing more than to exist and to be at peace

But first and foremost, my brain only leaves me so many options

One doesn’t choose depression

But it is what it is

All I want is to sit at my best friend’s place and just exist the way we used to

All I want is to be able to talk to my mom, to have a normal relationship

I miss her comfort, the way things used to be

I want to sit and watch cartoons with my dad again, to stand in the field behind his house and see open fields and trees in the distance

To know home again

I just want to know the man living in my house is who I think he is

To know that I can relax with what’s in front of me

I just want to sleep and wake up rested

I want to go somewhere far away and be responsible for no one but myself

I want to be free of all that weighs me down

I want others to understand I’m really worth the time of day, just give me a chance

I’m going through some shit, you see

I know I always seem to be, but that’s just life

Some get more rest than others

I’m just another piece of stardust trying to hold myself together and make something better as I get older

Old enough to turn around and reach for what’s gone, to recognize how good things used to be

They’re still good, just in a different way

I’m trying to make the best of things, but some days it’s easier than others, and some days my brain is kinder than other days

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